A Respect that Can’t Be Taken

I have many clients who come into my office after experiencing the consequences of unwanted sexual behavior. Many of them have lost their marriages, families, reputation, finances, and confidence. Many of them are now in marriages where their wife wants to work it out, but she is so hurt by his behavior. Suffice it to say, so many of them are trying to get back to being viewed with respect and admiration.

Respect

As men, we long so deeply to be respected and admired. In the book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn shares with us that when it comes to men having the choice between love versus respect that men would choose respect over being loved. Shaunti makes the connection that this is because men equate being respected with being loved. How could someone love someone that they do not respect? This is why men love movies where they have a deep respect for the hero and what he did when the odds were against him. It’s why men long for someone who believes in them even when their weaknesses are exposed.

Now this is not an article about how men longing for respect and people believing in them is wrong. I think it is a good thing when put in the right priority of loves in one’s life. However, when the chips are down when struggling with addiction, then it is important to remember the hope we have in Christ. “Even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ by grace you have been saved and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:5-6). Even though you have lost so much respect through behavior, you can still return to Christ who earned respect on your behalf and who raised you in him. You are seated with him. Now, this doesn’t mean the interim of losing respect will be easy or that your longing to earn respect back is bad, but if you are grounded in the hope that you have been raised in Christ then that can’t ever be taken away from you.

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