The Most Important Question in Counseling

Jared (fake name) had come to session for the second time. Before finishing the session, Jared said “I need to tell you something”. Not knowing what to expect, I listened intently since in the counseling world this can go in so many directions. Jared said, “I have been to therapy for a long time. Lots of therapists have recommended a variety of things to me, but you are the only one who has asked me to share my story”. I couldn’t believe that Jared had been to countless counseling sessions only to never be asked about his story.

Therapy and Story

The most important question to ask someone in therapy is “what is your story?”. I am not just talking about the story of what has brought them into therapy today, but their story over a lifetime. I can promise you that their story will provide a deeper understanding of who they are today as it can display unresolved trauma, grief, and deep longings. I have never counseled someone struggling with porn & sex addiction or substance addiction where their story does not play a role in their healing. One’s story is so pivotal to healing.

This is why the Bible isn’t an encyclopedia on morality, but it is The Story where one truly discovers the heart of Christ and themselves that results in change. Very simply, the Christian is someone whose story gets united with The Ultimate Story of Christ. This is why C.S. Lewis wrote, “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” We all have a story through which we “see everything else” and sadly they can be deeply painful stories.

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