In being a counselor, I get to witness many moments of vulnerability. After all, anyone who goes to counseling knows it is a very vulnerable time where people share hardships. Some people share things that they have never shared. Without vulnerability, there can be no therapeutic relationship or relationships in general. However, only one form of vulnerability is emphasized when there is another form.

Confession 

When it comes to porn and sex addiction, most men are trying to grow in the vulnerability of confession. This is essential as addicts really struggle to hide their sinful behavior. After all, it is a biblical command to “…confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). It displays courage and strength to take inventory of your life and confess the ways you have been falling short. It is a humble process that can feel like death as it is dying to self-image. However, many of my guys only think of vulnerability from this angle. If you only participate in this form of vulnerability, then it can easily result in the idea that there is nothing good about you and confession is all you have to offer. You may find yourself having relationships centered on confession. If all you have to offer is confession, then you may live a life of hammering yourself and letting others hammer you. The sad truth is that you may want friends, but who wants to be friends with someone who just talks about how terrible they are? What if vulnerability isn’t just confession?

Another form of Vulnerability

When we look at the Bible, there are so many examples of men who knew how flawed they were and yet courageously stood up for the truth in love. Samuel called out Saul (1 Samuel 15), Nathan called out David (2 Samuel 12), John the Baptist called out Herod (Matt. 14:1-13), Paul called out Peter (Gal. 2:11-21), Paul called out churches, and John called out false teachers (1 John). These men of God didn’t have in mind that the only thing they could offer is confession. They had confidence that God was at work in them and through them. These men were displaying another form of vulnerable by courageously standing for what is true and good for others despite pushback. They were fulfilling the command of “Be on alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13). This is why men gravitate towards stories of courageous men who stand for what is right despite great cost. Imagine what the world would look like if men never stood up for what is good and true.

When it comes to porn and sex addiction, men often think the only thing they have to offer is confession when they can offer so much more. They can become the men that their wives, family, and community need despite pushback. Now, I am not advocating for abuse and I believe biblical community should guide us well in truth, how it’s wielded, and error. I am advocating for the type of vulnerability that loves so deeply that it is willing to fight for truth and their neighbor's good even at great cost to self. Otherwise, you will only be someone who offers confession and leaves no lasting legacy for others.

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