Over the month of Christmas, my wife and I watched a movie made in 2000 called The Family Man. The movie is about a Wall Street investment broker by the name of Jack Campbell played by Nicolas Cage. Jack drives a Ferrari, lives on the top floor in downtown New York City, eats fine dining whenever he wants, has mistresses surprise him for sex, and is at the center of a huge merger that will make him millions and millions of dollars. In many ways, Jack symbolizes a life that is deemed great in our day and age. He represents a life that is bound by nothing filled with success after success that is always able to quench his appetite. Jack knows this and even tells someone in the movie “I got everything I need”. The movie takes a surprising turn when Jack is forced to go back in time in order to get a temporary glimpse of what his life would have been if he chose the woman he loved over his career.

The Family Life

Jack goes to sleep on the top floor of his skyscraper only to wake up to an entirely different life. In this life, Jack chooses Kate Renolds (played by Téa Leoni) over his career. Jack wakes up to Kate and two kids bouncing on his bed in the suburbs of New York. Jack’s Ferrari, job, millions of dollars, and single life bound by nothing are entirely gone. Though life isn’t material successful, Jack has a great wife, great friends, and he is a father of two. For much of the movie, Jack spends his time freaking out about the “great” life he lost and he tries to get back to the career-driven life or even merge it with this new family life. It becomes clear that he can only choose one over the other. Long story short, Jack is brought back to reality in his career life since his family life was only a glimpse. He ends up seeking after Kate and they fall in love in order to create the family life he loved so deeply.

Every Addict needs Vision

One of the scenes that I thought was powerful when it comes to counseling men with porn and sex addiction is when Jack comes back from the career life after the family life glimpse. Jack wakes up on the top floor of a skyscraper and gets out of bed. As he is awake and walking to a room, one of his mistresses is dressed in provocative clothing. Normally, Jack would have had sex with her, but this Jack was different. This Jack was compelled by the vision of the Family Life that was deeply relational even though sacrificial. The old Jack had died and the new family Jack had come. So what does Jack do with this mistress in front of him? He walks straight passed her with no hesitation as he is so captured by the vision of the family he could have if he fights for it.

Life without porn/sex addiction has to be better than life with it. If your vision for life isn’t a better one filled with deep relationships, meaning, and love, then you will revert to old Jack instead of new Jack. With every good vision, there are costs to get there. Sacrificing is a part of life to attain a good vision. Meaningful relationships or a good family is no different on this journey. Maybe you have been so deep in porn/sex addiction that it's hard to see any vision in your life due to it being so painful. Maybe it is your exact vision for your life that got you here in the first place. In this case, maybe you can believe in Jesus whose power will make all things new, who has a vision for who he wants you to be, and who unites you with his family (1 John 3:2; Matthew 12:48-50).

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